celebrity interview: Samantha Mathis
In continuing efforts to bring more and
more exciting features to this space, I recently conducted my first celebrity interview
with actress Samantha Mathis:
I sat in the little bistro in Hollywoods Fairfax
district, sipping a Torani Lime soda and chewing gum. The gum was tasty and chewy, much
like the subject of my first interview, Samantha Mathis. Mathis, aged 28 (?), has made a
career of chewy and gum-like roles, in such diverse and critically misunderstood films as Pump
Up the Volume, Super Mario Bros., and Broken Arrow. In all three she played a
woman with a past, a present, and a future and from watching her you could really tell
that that she had a past, a present, and a future, all at the same time.
Ms. Mathis strolls in 3 minutes late and sits down without
Samantha Mathis: Hi. Im Samantha. You found it OK?
ME: Youre late.
SM: Oh. Sorry.
ME: Thats OK.
Samantha orders a Chicken Caesar Salad and a Diet Coke. I
order another free roll and a Torani this time Hazelnut.
ME: Ive enjoyed your work over the years and find
you to always imbue your characterizations with a past, present, and future.
SM: Oh, thats so true, you really have to create everything in order to come away
with a full human being on screen.
ME: Like your character in Super Mario-
ME: I wasnt finished.
ME: Super Mario Brothers.
ME: Im done now.
SM: Oh. Yes. It was so great to work on that film. I researched that film by going back
and playing all the video games with Mario in it.
ME: Like Donkey Kong.
SM: Yes! And Mario Brothers. And all those
It was very helpful.
ME: And how was it working with Mario?
SM: Um, oh, Bob Hoskins is such a professional. So sweet and-
ME: Whos Bob Hopkings? I meant Mario.
SM: Bob Hoskins played Mario.
SM: The guy from Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
ME: Oh. That guy. Yeah, he sucks. That Mexican guy was funny though.
SM: John Leguizamo.
ME: Bless you. (We both laugh for one minute.) I thought your role in The Music of
Chance, as the hooker really showed off your range.
SM: Thank you. James Spader was wonderful to work with.
ME: What was it like working with James Spader.
SM: Um, wonderful.
ME: He had a mustache in that, and a stupid accent.
SM: Yes he did. And Chris Penn was wonderful to work with also.
ME: Too bad it wasnt Sean Penn.
SM: Yeah. Thats how I felt too.
Samantha Mathis cell phone rings, and she spends the
next 2 minutes saying "No" and "Never" and "Please stop
calling" over and over before hanging up.
ME: Who was that?
SM: D.B. Sweeney. Were working on a television show together called "Harsh
ME: How is it?
SM: Off the record?
SM: Sucks. Anyway, D.B. really wants me to be in The Cutting Edge 2 with him. With the ice
SM: Moira Kelly refuses to do it and he thinks Id be right for it. So Im like,
D.B., no. You know?
ME: Speaking of D.B. Sweeney, is it true you sleep with all your male co-stars?
SM: Where did you hear that?
ME: Some dude. Is it true?
SM: No. Of course not. See, thats exactly the type of vicious rumors the press is
constantly spreading about me.
ME: John Leguizamo. You do him?
SM: Um, yes, but-
ME: Christian Slater?
SM: Well, yeah.
ME: River Phoenix.
ME: Christian Bale? Eric Stoltz?
SM: Yes. Yes.
ME: So you actually do sleep with all your male co-stars.
SM: I never slept with Keanu Reeves.
ME: (I stare at her.)
SM: OK. Good point.
ME: How do you feel about nudity in film?
SM: Well, I feel that if its done tastefully its OK. But it has to be an
integral part of the story, not just gratuitously done for titillations sake.
ME: So when you took your shirt off in front of Christian Slater and showed him your
titties out by the barbecue in Pump Up The Volume, it was an integral part of the story?
ME: Because it showed how you knew that he was actually the pirate radio personality Hard
Harry and if you could show yourself naked and free to this shy young man, he might be
able to reveal his soul to you?
ME: I loved you in Carlitos Way.
SM: That was Penelope Ann Miller. Why are you eating my salad?
ME: Lets move on. Whats next for Samantha Mathis?
SM: I just finished doing a play at the Geffen Playhouse in Los Angeles with Linda Lavin.
ME: Linda Lavin. She was on Alice, right?
SM: Uh, yes. Thats right. Shes a very accomplished New York stage actress as
ME: Kiss my grits.
ME: Thats what Flo used to say. "Mel, kiss my grits."
ME: Remember? Mel would say something insulting and Flo would be all, "Kiss my
grits". All chewing gum and shit.
ME: So what were you saying?
SM: The play. With Linda Lavin.
ME: Alice, right. Cool. So whats next, a juggling act with Kirk Cameron?
SM: Id love to work with Kirk. Hes a great friend and a fine actor.
ME: Yeah right. Like youre friends with Kirk Cameron.
SM: Well, we met at a party once.
ME: Just what I thought. So, what else?
SM: Um. Im doing American Psycho with Christian Bale.
ME: Again with the Christian Bale. Will you be sleeping with him again?
SM: What magazine is this for again?
ME: Its for my online journal.
At this point we run out of time.
Samantha Mathis. Actress. Lover. Friend to Kirk Cameron.
And apparently not the same person as Penelope Ann Miller.
This is where I let Larry
King take over my body for a few minutes.
Larry is too afraid
of the Blair Witch to write.
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