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I really have no call to be tired, and yet I am. No show yesterday. Only 3 left. Ma mere is making the trip down with a cousin to see it. This is Shakespeare and shes quite the literate one, so shell like it. About the last show of mine she saw, which I wrote and which was about many things, such as Post Cold-War Russia, Sam Shepard, the musical Cats, and the sitcom Step by Step, she cryptically said, "It was very difficult."
By the way, I havent had a smoke in 5 days. Dont know if Im quitting. I think Im just trying it on for size. I cant breathe but other than that Im OK.
Lets take a brief "career" look, shall we?
Stee is nowhere. Im finishing a great run of Twelfth Night. My commercial agency is losing all clout in town and thus I get few auditions lately. Dont have a theatrical agent. In all fairness, havent been trying. People seem too really like my performance in my short. How to make that work for me, I dont know.
Upcoming: If Franks money guys come through Ill be shooting a great feature in the Spring getting paid real money with real actors and a real crew and real chances of being really seen. My comedy group Film Pigs will probably do another show in the Spring. Doing another dreaded casting director workshop (horrible, but I feel I should do something) in January. Gonna be in a short M. is producing sometime soon.
I should be getting new headshots. I should be getting together a voice-over reel. I should be begging everyone I know to recommend me to their agencies. I feel lackadaisical about acting right now. Career wise. More into writing right now. I can finally admit that to myself. For now. For now. I said, for now.
I am confused as fuck what to do right now about this script Ive been babbling about forever - (not either of the 2 that Im currently writing, those are en route and going reasonably well) the one that made it to the semis of the Nichol and went out to many companies because of that and was rejected by many and liked by many and truly loved by a few that one.
It has made me some fans at production companies, some good important fans who are still trying to push it on the REALLY important people who hold the purse-strings. Some agents and managers still havent read it. Some producers are casually pimping it around trying to get it made with themselves attached. Fine. Whatever.
The latest developments are thus:
I sent the short film to a few who currently have the script. No response.
A senior VP at one of the big 3 agencies called me having read it during judging and loved it but has a full client roster so he pimped it to two younger female agents. He just wrote me saying they didnt respond the same way to the script and to "keep the faith".
A friend is pimping me hardcore to both her agent and manager.
I just got a call from a producer who loves my writing but doesnt like the story so is going to make another movie. I didnt even know she was just going to BAM make a movie. She sounds like a rich lady. Foreign. Russian maybe. Shes weird. Very weird. She wants to work with me in the future and recommend me to the agency shes with. But "not yet".
And now I have only a day or two to decide if I want to take the thing off the market altogether and work on it at the behest and notes of this former big 3 agent/VP of Production at one of the studios who is "between jobs" in what would basically be a dreaded "free option" deal. I know, I know. Dont do it. Everyone says that. But there are upsides here. (Update: so she just called me. I need a name for her. Shark. Ill call her The Shark The Shark calls to tell me she just talked to a guy whos name made me laugh its so Spielbergian in terms of Power Level about my script. On first read hes not "quite getting it" but needs to take a closer look at the pages she sent him. What am I doing?)
If you have advice, Id be happy to hear it. Especially if you have some particular insight. I am so alone in this world here its not even funny.
Has anyone seen this new Britney Spears without implants named Mandy Moore? Her video is so fucking funny. The best part is when she and her ho friends line up for the obligatory group dance sequence and they dont actually dance!!! The camera does a few tricks and the girls like shake their hips and flail their arms about, but obviously this girl cant dance so they just fake it. And then on TRL people request the song saying "shes so pretty and is such a good dancer". Slight of hand, my people. Abracadabra!
Life is good. Career is frustrating. I want a dog. Im having lunch tomorrow with my former mentor who has just been diagnosed with serious chronic depression.
I think Im going to bail for a while and road trip across the country. Maybe in the Spring. Do you want to grab a beer?
The Larry King Happy