left column like kisses and hugs. kiss left column ladies. c'mon. left column so sad.

more wee bawdy limericks fer ye

The Trades are chock full of exciting stories today, brought to you again by popular demand (OK, that’s a total lie) in limerick form!

In news spoken with loads of aplomb
On his site michaeldouglas.com
He announces he’ll hitch
To Zeta-Jones; sumbitch!
I hope all of his movies are bombs

John Travolta is one crazy schnook
His next film’s based on L. Ron’s bad book
Battlefield Earth, it’s named
"Suppressives" will be blamed
When the critics all give it the hook

If this does come to pass I will spew:
Regarding Silence of the Lambs 2
Now that Jodie has passed
Guess who they just might cast…
Yup, that’s right – Angelina Jol-eeew

The Commish star, one Michael Chiklis
Will star in a film I sure won’t miss
He’ll play Curly, not Moe:
The Three Stooges! you know
But one thing: who is Michael Chiklis!?

Rapper Stanley Howse arrested Mon.
A weapons violation was done
This story I can’t mock
I’m too surprised to talk
A rap artist possessing a gun!?

Cuz of embarrassingly low stock
Amid a bull market that does rock
Disney head Michael E.
No bonus he’ll receive
I wish more than his pay they would dock…

Finally…

…We have a guest Larry today. Mike Leung ladies and gentlemen.

The Larry King Happy Song Corner

Stop using sex. As a weapon. Stop using sex. As a weapon. Don't you know you're already Larry's obsession? Stop using sex as a weapon. Love is more than a one way reflection. Stop using sex as a weapon... speaking of which. Stop pouring pepper spray in my eye, too, while you're at it. It stings. Stop using sex as a weapon. Stop pouring pepper spray in my eye. And stop telling me that you have a restraining order out on me. I know you have a restraining order out on me. I married the last three restraining orders. Why should yours be any different? Look, whatever you do, stop using sex as a weapon, stop pouring pepper spray in my eye, and stop telling me you have a restraining order out on me like I'm some kind of idiot, ok? What kind of mook do you take me for?

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