Good people. I'm sorry but I have no time to write today. Instead, I'm going to share with you one of my favorite jokes of all time. Sorry for the slack.
The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks.
The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks its lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner.
The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, "Now if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars."
The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, and has another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says, "What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!"
The octopus says, "Play it? If I can figure out how to get its pajama's off, I'm gonna fuck it!"
What I dream I had, dressed in organdy.
Clothed in crinoline, of smoky Burgundy.
Softer than the rain.
I wandered empty streets, down past the shop displays.
I heard cathedral bells, tripping down the alley ways.
As I walked on.
And when you ran to me your cheeks flushed with the night.
We walked on frosted fields of juniper and lamplight.
I held your hand.
And when I awoke and felt you warm and near,
I kissed your honey hair with my grateful tears.
Oh I love you, girl. Oh, I love you... speaking of which. In prison I helped a "friend" paint the walls of his cell. He wanted to go with a teal green and I told him it was tacky, especially with the western light. Well, I can't tell you what I had to do to get him to agree with me to go with the Burgundy, but I can say that referring to myself as "an Oscar Nominee" did not help.