who dat? contest
i am lazy
Well, the worst crime my mom would ever conceivably commit would be speeding, but only if she was rushing home to watch a Masterpiece Theatre marathon. So, no. In that case shed have to lie in her own Anglophilic bed.
Three-way tie: Manimal / Zoom / Booker (Richard Grieco is foxy.)
It wasnt a pick! It was a scratch!
My girlfriends 7th grade photo. The midwestern hair. Holy cow.
Speak and Spell. Actually a TSR80 followed by a Mac Classic (which I shamefully used until early this year).
With said girlfriend: nothing. Im a push-over. I then just take it out on the rest of the world.
Drug Czar!!! How cool would that be.
85 years old, lucid, and smiling.
I cant really conceive of my own funeral. I just know Id like there to be a lot of sexy weeping women there. In black. That would be cool. Ooh, and Id like Pearl Jam to play. Eddie Vedder kicks ass. They could play "Alive". Get it?! And then a good send off ooh, you could cremate me, and then lay out a few lines of me in front of Andy Dick some night at SkyBar, and tell him its "really good shit".
d) Tell my date that mine was the free lobster, and make her pay the bill.
You Mike. But it would be like a $3.00 loan at 10,000,000,000,000% APR.
Naw. Smart & Lazy and I Love Masturbation actually sought me out. (Oh man, I am KILLING!)
Not unless they hand out awards for "most bitter, complaining, and hypocritically obsessed with the self-same culture hes constantly bitter and complaining about."
I wouldnt know where to go. Seriously. I am dumb.
Not until now. I am hereby pleased to announce the founding of the Annual "Best Entry Solely Devoted to Praising Stees Plaintive Wail" Award. Cmon, kids. Submissions welcome.
Despite a huge sweet tooth, sugar cereals and Pop Tarts were never my thing. I think its like my craving for alcohol, it doesnt really wake up until around 12:30pm.
No. But my girlfriend, when she finds herself in a spending frenzy, puts her credit card in a container of water and sticks it in the freezer. Im not kidding.
No, but I was once squarefrogged by the Sears Catalog. (Alright, Ill shut up )
The quickly-turning-to-crap Premiere and the New Yorker. I just wish the New Yorker would stop for a couple months. Just all drive off to the Hamptons for a while and let me catch up. Im like 4 issues behind. Every day it seems I go out to the mailbox and theres another. Weeklies, man. Stay away from those things.
Probably having a web journal. Seriously. No one in my life knows about it. Deception rules!
Occasionally I dress nicely. I would rather come to work in ripped jeans and a dirty flannel. Or these doctor scrubs I have. Comfy and I look like Clooney in em. Well, not exactly. Shaving. I hate shaving. And wearing the false ear. Id rather just go one-eared like God intended. I actually do have a friend with a fake pinky. She lost it at college falling off her bunk-bed. Im not kidding. Shes awaiting a huge settlement. You know, I should really call her
No. My sister took out a joke one in the Madison paper and won a vibrator. Kind of a sad gift, dont you think?
No. But my sister did. It was all made up. And then she said, " and you must have a puppy". And all these guys called up, claiming theyd run out and gotten puppies just to meet this fabulous chick in the ad.
25. When was the last time you bounced a check?
26. Have you ever camped out for concert tickets? If so, for which concert?
Never. But I did come early to see Air Supply in a free concert at the local race track. And they were filling in for Hall & Oates. Of course we were drunk and made fun of Graham the whole time. He signed my shirt though, so it was all worth it.
27. What's the most embarrassing name ever given to you by a significant other?
28. Ever played truth or dare in an effort to get into someone's pants?
Wait, is there another reason to play?
29. Did you have sex in high school?
Naw, we tried but the building was always locked. (Yes.)
30. What's your favorite drinking game?
Goddamn I Hate My Job Im So Glad Im Home I Wonder If Donny & Marie Is Still On! Yall should try it, its a hoot.
Alright. My margins are fucked and I'm
babysitting my girlfriend's cat and she's running around going nuts and I'm tired. I might
finish tomorrow. Love to you all, and thanks Mike.
The Larry King Happy
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