Oh, man. I just conducted another celebrity interview and was ready to post it, but I just got a message from the Production Company wanting to meet with me - just an initial "let's meet, talk about the script" meeting. Were playing phone tag right now but I might have to go in today so I need to prepare myself.
How do I prepare myself?
Um, OK. Well. One thing I learned is: Never Go Into A Meeting Without An Agenda.
OK, good. Good. Agenda. Whats my agenda?
"Hi, I want you to buy the script for One Million Dollars, let me play the part I wrote for myself, give me casting approval, director approval, approval over marketing/posters/trailers, etc., 10 percent of the gross (never the net, baby there is no net), guarantee a theatrical release of at least 1500 screens, and give me a three picture housekeeping deal on the lot. What? The door. Its that a-way? Oh, OK. Bye then."
Well, I could go with the polar opposite.
"Hi. Listen, I really appreciate the fact that you all like the script and I know my query was funny and all and the reviews of my plays appeared fairly impressive and the Nicholl thing was legitimizing but honestly, I dont really know what Im doing. I dont really deserve to be in this room. It was just a lark, really. I was bored one day and started writing and for some reason finished and then did another draft and held a staged reading and did another and another, but it was really all a lark. Listen, do you know of any good VCR/TV repair schools because I should probably just pack up and move to Skokie and find a nice mid-western farm girl and buy a Ram truck and settle down so if you dont mind Ill just take those copies from you and be on my way. Sorry. Excuse me. By the way, I really liked P_________, great film. You guys rock. OK, Ill be out of LA by Friday. Bye-bye now."Alright, well. I suppose I should find a middle ground in there somewhere. But without an agent I really feel like a quarterback without a line, just standing there with the ball that for some strange reason large, potentially dangerous people want.
The Larry King Happy
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