never been a bitch so I don't act bitchy

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Jay A. Fernandez Seriously Needs To Get A Fucking Hold Of Himself

In one of the weirdest, most self-congratulatory, and blowjobiest columns ever published, today in the Los Angeles Times, someone called Jay A. Fernandez writes about somehow having gotten a hold of the new Charlie Kaufman script called "Synecdoche, New York." Jay A. is very pleased with himself for having gotten the script and hypes his find to a level of Indiana Jones-worthy booty. He writes:

“But many people, beginning with Kaufman, do not want me to have the script, do not want me to read the script, and without question do not want me to write anything about the script. Words like ‘super-sensitive,’ ‘invasive’ and ‘freaked’ have been cautiously leveled at me as I've reached out to those involved with the project to get their thoughts on it.”

Once done letting us know that Charlie Kaufman knows his phone number (*squee!*), Jay A. goes to 1) vaguely summarize the world of the script and to let us know he looked up the meaning of the title in the dictionary (more than once!), and then 2) to let us know that Kaufman is directing the film himself and that, in Jay A.'s humble opinion, "...with the writer himself directing, it will likely gain even more color and potency in the translation."

Yes, because if there is one thing everyone knows, writers are always the ones best suited to direct their own work. That set up always works out for the best. (Hi, David Mamet and Sam Shepard.)

Finally, having realized his column has no point, through line, or thesis, he gives up and just does the journalistic equivalent of laying the script down on his desk and masturbating all over it. He compares the responsibility of having the script in his hand to Frodo possessing The Ring, and then actually says the following:

“’Synecdoche’ will make “Adaptation” and “Eternal Sunshine” look like instructional industrial films. No one has ever written a screenplay like this. It's questionable whether cinema is even capable of handling the thematic, tonal and narrative weight of a story this ambitious."


Finally, he pulls up his pants and ends, saying, "...moviegoers will surely be gorging on the power and depth of this film for a long time. Meanwhile, I feel terribly sick to my stomach."

I don't blame you, Jay. Pass the Pepto when you’re done.


Anonymous Robert said...

Jay A, my ass.
That's the dude from the car wash. Barry.

9:29 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

why is your wife's site all about swords today?

10:25 AM

Blogger randomstuff said...

Anon I was wondering the same thing. Someone must have hijacked it becasue you can't get into the forums either. Bet she's already working on it, nobody messes with Pamie and gets away with it.

10:46 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Uhhhhhh....what happened to Pam?

1:06 PM

Blogger Kine said...

Is Pam a japanese sword dealer suddenly?

2:30 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good, I thought it was just in my mind.

5:03 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"...moviegoers will surely be gorging on the power and depth of this film for a long time. Meanwhile, I feel terribly sick to my stomach."

Jesus Christ.

Also: When I was in eighth grade I had to say the word "synecdoche" in a school play and I was too proud to ask anyone how to pronounce it, so I ended up saying "sin-neck-dotche." That was a bad night.

2:24 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I perfectly agree with Stee

what latinoreview thought of the script...

11:07 AM

Blogger KENNY said...

Hi - you don't know me, but I was doing a search on the new Charlie Kaufman script and I found this. Quite interesting. If it's any enlightenment, though, I read a script review at Ain't It Cool that was very similar to that column - so, I'd say that there are people who are in agreement about the apparent greatness of the work.


11:33 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

miley cyrus nude [url=]miley cyrus nude[/url] paris hilton nude [url=]paris hilton nude[/url] kim kardashian nude [url=]kim kardashian nude[/url] kim kardashian nude [url=]kim kardashian nude[/url]

8:40 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want to thank the blogger very much not only for this post but also for his all previous efforts. I found to be very interesting. I will be coming back to for more information.

5:26 PM

Anonymous generic viagra said...

I love to read all type of blog!! but your blog about Jay A. Fernandez Seriously Needs To Get A Fucking Hold Of Himself is amazing!! thanks for sharing!!

12:55 PM


Post a Comment

<< Home