future's so bright, i gotta wear trades
Hollywood. Trade papers. Every weekday. Variety and the Hollywood Reporter. Agents, actors, producers, editors, managers, directors they all read them.
Stee. He occasionally deconstructs these tomes of non-information just for you. Arent you lucky.
Bone Collector wins weekend box office race: Bone Collector was number one. The Bachelor (a movie which " achieved the rare feat of not receiving a single positive review from a major critic.") was number two. House on Haunted Hill was number three. Fight Club and Three Kings are way way down the list. I take back everything I ever said about Hollywood underestimating the intelligence and taste of the public. Sorry. I was wrong.
William Daniels Wins Screen Actor Guild Presidency: Fuck yeah! KIT the car from Knight Rider is the head of my union. Im so proud. And I actually voted this time. (Well only because I thought I if didnt Id be out of the running to be a SAG Awards nominator - meaning Id get into all movies this winter for free.) Go KIT.
Van Halen Splits With Lead Singer: Wait. Which one? But seriously, (assuming anyone cares anymore), just the other night I was listening to Ice Cream Man and thinking what a kick-ass motherfucker DLR was and though he may be a total pain in the ass to work with, why doesnt Van Halen just do what the fans (assuming anyone cares anymore) want and bring him back. Hagar was alright but this new Extreme singer was just total ass from day one. I really wish I could hear Hot For Teacher sung the right way live one more time. I really do. (Of course, assuming anyone cares anymore.)
Starz Lands Onegin Rights: The awful pay channel
Starz will be showing the new Ralph Fiennes Russian period drama before it comes out for
its normal theatrical run. Im sure this will go over real big with the Starz
audience. "Wait. Honey. What the goddamn hell is this? What
rascal, I am quite fond of you?!? Shit. This aint Big Daddy!"
''NewsRadio'' alum gets Fox deal: This is in reference to Joe Rogan, who played the electrician Joe (sort of a "Joey"-lite). I love this dude. I love him because he was really pretty unremarkable on the show, and yet in an interview just started talking all sorts of shit about other shows and other actors. I would never do it myself, but I love stars who talk shit about others. Go Joe.
Im fucking psyched. After fixating on them for months, my co-workers and I are finally doing it. Were buying us some Tap Lights!!! As for reasons to buy and love Tap Lights, creator Anthony Sullivan says, "How about those challenging walks to the bathroom in the middle of the night?" Seriously. Pre-Tap Lights Ive always found that trek just too damn challenging to even attempt. Many a night Ive simply peed in the closet because I was unprepared to undertake such a challenge. Anyhow, we should get them sometime next week. I will walk around my house in the dark, without fear, safe in the knowledge that in case of an emergency, the comfort of light is but a tap away. And where will you be then, huh!? Ask yourself that.
We found the Tap Lights finally on this website. And I am this close to buying the
VibraTouch for M. But mostly I love the thinly veiled acknowledgment that this product is
for masturbatory purposes and nothing else, "So now, you can quickly massage any body
part as easily as you can touch it with your finger."
Everyones favorite speedo-wearing accordian-playing Turk, Mahir, has finally spoken out on the sudden popularity of his personal website. Indeed, far from being a dull tale of the type of instant, mocking fame the Internet is prone to bestow upon a person/thing at random, Mahir unleashes a cryptic, impossible-to-follow tale of a website taken hostage, the inevitability of Gods wrath, and continues with a bizarre Scientology-like diatribe about war, hunger, and the nature of man: "Did you, the humanbeings found the world, galaxies, universe, systems? Are we arrenging or directing them?" (Spelling and logical errors Mahirs, not mine.) His tale of his site being taken hostage sort of makes sense after all, who would voluntarily have his site hosted by Xoom? Mahir goes on to once again invite us to Turkey and to assure us that though the words posted previously on his site were not his, that he indeed " like sex as every are having active sexual life." Me too, Mahir. Me too.
I had a great weekend:
Friday: Cleaned my bathroom. Wrote new semi-drunken stee manifesto for the coming six months.
Saturday: Cleaned my nasty apartment. Saw Being John Malkovich. (Liked it, but am still formulating my opinion.)
Sunday: All day Tech rehearsal for Twelfth Night. Very smooth.
The Larry King Happy