never been a bitch so I don't act bitchy

Friday, September 26, 2003

These Are The People In Your Eddie Izzard Concert

The other day pamie posted a cryptic Blind Item entry about the random celebrities we saw at the Eddie Izzard concert last Saturday night.

No one had any idea who we were talking about.

We thought they were pretty easy, but apparently, we overestimated our Blind Item abilities. Or anyone's interest in trying to guess stuff.

So here are the answers:

This newly-single Mensa maven followed the wrong instinct when she slowly strolled into Hollywood's Wiltern Saturday night wearing almost the exact same get-up as the man of the evening, hairstyle included. Only the older diva had slightly smaller breasts.

SHARON STONE. See, she's in Mensa. She's older. She was in Basic "instict". Uh... okay, maybe this was pretty hard. She also now has short hair. She didn't quite look like herself. Or perhaps I just haven't seen her in a while. So yeah. Sharon Stone. Maybe we should have said something about "Cold Comfort," but apparently no one was aware that movie came out last weekend. Moving on.

This unmatched power duo seemed to be unclear on the concept of "intermission," as this couple left the screamingly funny first act only to take a couch right inside the lobby for a power sit, ignoring at least one of their famous friends...

COURTNEY COX and DAVID ARQUETTE. Surely this was easy. "Scream-ingly." One of the famous "Friends." No? Yeah, the couple got out of their seats during intermission, went to the lobby, and sat down. I never quite understood that. Perhaps he has a bad back from that wrestling movie. Or the dog movie. Or she can't stand up for a long while because of the whole lack of food thing. I've seen these two before. She, we saw having a business meal about some cable decorating show she's doing. It was at an outdoor restaurant on Melrose. We were inside a rare book store with my mom. While my mom scanned for first editions of something or other, I stared through the window at Courtney sadly eyeballing the carb-y bread. Him, I've seen twice. Once on a very sketchy corner of Hollywood Blvd. just standing there. He looked like he was researching the role of a junkie street hustler. Or merely reliving his partying days. The other time I saw him at a toy store buying a telescope. Arquette/Cox neighbors: close your blinds.

... who spent his Emmy-eve triple-taking and hob-nobbing in the smokers area. Apparently the one with the addictions still has a couple to overcome. (Sources noted he craned his neck over the crowd on more than one occasion, searching for his ex-girlfriend, a certain newly-exposed recap-stealer.)

MATTHEW PERRY. This came of the "Friend" clue from the end of the last one. Also he does a lot of "triple-takes" on the show. Plus, he went to Promises for his "back medicine" addicition. Also they name each "Friends" episode, "The One With The..." See? The parenthetical is an inside reference to the last time we saw him, at a burlesque joint called "Forty Deuce" where we took the visiting AB to a friend's birthday party. A very drunk AB ended up harassing Matthew Perry in the parking lot during smoke breaks. The other time I saw him was in New York about seven years ago. Me and my girlfriend at the time passed him on the street. "Matthew Perry" we both mumbled disinterestedly, as if we'd just seen a pigeon or a bus stop. We didn't even break stride for him, which we then cracked up about later.

This former VJ/comedian made sure nobody got any home video of him as he strode with purpose to the bathroom during intermission.

JOHN FUGELSANG. Who? Exactly. He used to date a friend of mine, so I know a lot of details about him that I wish I didn't. We saw him do stand-up at the FAKE gallery recently. Not terrible. Cocky as hell, but I guess that's his "thing."

The boss of the mezzanine was this petite cutie, fresh from her stint on The Ortegas, charming the first three rows of fans. She dashed from one side to the other, flashing her collection of skin ink, ready to jump into any open arms for a hug.

ALYSSA MILANO. She's on "Charmed." "Who's the Boss?" See? Has lots of tattoos she likes to display. We saw her guest star on "The Ortegas" the other day, when we went to see Todd guest star on the show. She has huge teeth. Todd might have said she smelled bad, but that's a terrible rumor I refuse to start.

The god of the majestic lobby had no qualms standing solo before the show, wearing a mask of warmth and a cloak of untouchability. He had one thing in common with ace reporter and author/journaler who purposefully stood beside him: hatred of a certain Roxie with Botoxed moxie.

JIM CARREY. Yeah. The "God" thing was of course about Bruce Almighty. The Majestic? Remember that movie? Of course you don't. The Mask. He hates his ex, Renee Zellwegger, who played Roxie Hart in Chicago? The clues are all right there, people! Anyway, yeah, Jim Carrey just stood silently with his friend in the middle of the lobby. Obviously, he's learned either not to give a shit about fans starring at him, or he loves it. Nay, he needs it. You make the call.


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