I'm A Little Worried About The Netflix Couple

Now, I'm no expert in body language, but it doesn't take a guest on Access Hollywood to recognize that these two are not long for this world. First of all, she gets everything. The popcorn. The wine. What does he have to drink? Nothing. His own spit. Clearly it's her house and she didn't offer him anything. And if he wants some popcorn, he has to reach across her horrible, gnarled foot to get any. Seriously. Look at her foot!



It's disgusting. It looks like a Hobbit foot. And she rudely takes off her stinky shoe and puts her freak-toes right next to the food they're supposed to be sharing! So thoughtless.

Secondly, look at her body language. Arms and legs crossed, pillow covering her lap. She might as well just wear a sign that reads, "You are not getting anywhere near my vagina!" I'm not sure they make signs like that, but they should. And while she's closed off, he's all over her, trying to get some bit of affection. His arm is pathetically around her, his knee trying to pry apart her legs, his other hand trapped on the vagina-pillow by her defensive talon.

Thirdly, look how focused on the movie she is. Laughing her fool head off, not a care in the world. And his laugh is so cloying and dishonest; he's clearly just trying to enjoy the movie (which she obviously picked out) in solidarity. While inside he's screaming: "What does she want from me?!"

Lastly, while he's not exactly wearing a suit, he still took the time to put on a nice jersey -- with sleeves -- and grey pants. Her? Sweats and a tank top. Way to put in some effort, lady.

So I'm worried about the Netflix couple. I swear, if she doesn't start sharing her popcorn and maybe occassionally putting on a skirt or at least covering her little Thalidomide feet, he'll be taking off that jersey in some other girl's apartment pretty soon. And someone who might offer him a friggin' beverage every once in a while.



Oh look! Someone made the sign: