never been a bitch so I don't act bitchy

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Crusin' For A Bruisin'!

Occasionally I am forced to make a retraction in this space. This is one of those instances. While I was initially skeptical about the pointless, goofy PT Cruiser my local rental car joint put me in, after two days of driving (or should I say Cruising?) I have to say... I'm hooked.

I don't know what it is, I just feel so... retro in that thing. It makes me feel like I'm Eddie Vedder singing about fatal car crashes and soda shops and fingering 18 year old virgins up on Blueberry Hill, staining their heaving blouses with grease from working all day on the Cruiser in my Levi blue jeans and a tight white t-shirt, smokes rolled in the sleeve. Back before cancer. I swear, Cruising around L.A. in that thing -- you should see the looks I get from the ladies at stop lights. It's a look of... well, I'm not sure it's pity, exactly. Because they're having a little too much fun at my expense for it to be just that. But they're looking! Man oh man, are they looking.

Anyway, some people have asked me for photos of me rockin' the Cruiser. I can do you one better. In the short time of my Cruisership, I've already joined the PT Cruiser Society of Eagle Rock -- "The Wingnuts". Here are some photos from our various PT-themed excursions. Enjoy!

That's T-Bone. He's buffin' the grill. T-Bone sure does like America. And accounting. And "ATM" porno, but that's for a different photo gallery.

This is Connie and Burl. They always bring their own chairs wherever they go. (They love sitting down.) Oh, I see Connie took the one with the footrest again without asking Burl. Not a good move, Connie. Don't you remember what happened last time you did that?

That's The Mayor. He's not a real mayor. Actually, he's not really part of The Wingnuts. He just walked up while I was trying to get a shot of Karl's new undercarriage lighting work and started talking about the Korean War. Poor Mayor.

Ah, Francesca. Me and Frannie had a thing a while back. Well, yesterday. I bought her those jeans as a thank you gift. She deserves a lot more for what she taught me.

Ugh. These guys. They're fucking dicks. Especially Eleanor.

Oh no, Skip is going over the falls. Watch out, Skip! (Don't worry. It's just a photo illusion.)

Fucking Derrick won the Best Rims trophy. Total. Bullshit.

Wait. I don't know how this photo ended up in my camera. It clearly from the past. But PT Cruisers weren't around in the past... *shiver*

Okay, well, that's just gay. A car is not a pumpkin. C'mon now.

And lastly, that's me! I had the flames painted by this great air-brushing artist who used to do a lot of clothing work for me. (He did this demin jacket with a big picture of Tupac on the back and then Biggie and Left Eye on the front pockets. It just fucking rocks.) My friend wondered if the rental car place would be angry that I did this to their car. Please, that's a four hundred dollar air-brush job. They should pay me. (Oh, the costume? Don't ask. It was for Francesca. She has this weird Santa thing.)


Blogger Muad'Dib said...

I'd say "yer so cool brewster" but I'd be um, fibbing.

My EX girlfriend from before I met my wife owns a PT.. And oddly enough she works a block away. I alays tease her by referring to it as her TP cruiser.

I also tell her that a real-life CSI shoudl not drive around in sucha gay car.

Sorry. Its a gay car. ESPECIALLY the pumpkin one.

Then again, I drive a Toyota Exho Hatchback..

guh - ay !

11:26 AM

Anonymous marcy said...

Okay, I just PT'd my pants reading this entry. Hilarious!

1:10 PM

Blogger Allison said...

I was holding it together until "Ah, Francesca."

I NEED to KNOW what color your Cruiser is.

3:02 PM

Anonymous padraigin said...

A friend rented one in "plum" and referred to it as "Driveable Fruit" the whole time. They do lend themselves to hilarity, these cars.

3:44 PM

Blogger Stephanie Jane Markham said...

Shake ya ass, watch yoself. Major pimpin' in your new ride.

1:23 AM

Anonymous marie said...

i think you might be a liar.

5:00 AM

Blogger nicardo1 said...

Not "liar," a writer! Always makin' chit up an' junk. Save for the Franny part. Move over Accords, the PTC's got a new convert. Come to think of it, I don't remember any Honda Accord Society pics. Hope this doesn't catch on.

12:03 PM

Blogger Sara said...

I have a 2002 black PT Cruiser Touring Edition since my poor BMW blew up. I had less than 10K to spend on a car, and this was the only thing I could find with low miles and an actual personality. It took awhile, but it's growing on me. It has a lot of the bells and whistles that the BMW had, things I wouldn't normally expect to find on such a cheap car. If you buy one, though, definitely get a standard transmission. The automatics are kind of pokey if you don't have the turbo.

3:20 PM

Blogger Sara said...

Needless to say, I am not planning to attend the rabid Cruiser gatherings in my neighborhood.

3:21 PM

Anonymous marie said...

liar, writer, toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe....

3:58 PM

Anonymous erin said...

this brilliance takes me back to plaintive wail posts of yore.

next thing you know, you'll be posting sidebars with "who dat?" contests.

2:28 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I was in a honda-destroying accident a few years ago, the only car available to rent was a PT Cruiser, the rich and intoxicating color of an eggplant. I got endless grief about it at first, but it was really fun to ride in, and when it came time to return it everyone was very sad. It is still the subject of poignant nostalgia. Who knew?

7:56 PM

Blogger StellarOne9683 said...

Ironically, my boyfriend drives a PT Cruiser. With flames on it. It's a stick shift and so I never had to drive it before, but my (crappy) Saturn broke down and I had to A) learn to drive a stick, and B) learn to do it in a red PT Cruiser with flames on the side.

Each time I stall, everyone looks. Lucky for me I learned fast. ^__^ And it's not that bad of a car now that I can drive it myself. LOL.

7:21 AM


Post a Comment

<< Home