never been a bitch so I don't act bitchy

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

Hannigan Will Meet Perry on London Stage

If there's anything about this that sounds like a good idea to you, let me know.

Monday, December 22, 2003

Ethan Hawke's New Lady Speaks Out

True love is wicked cute, isn't it?

My favorite:

"'Hi, I'm Ethan. You got my attention because you're so cute.' I was wearing a little denim mini skirt, a black T-shirt, flip-flops, and my hair was pulled back in a ponytail. I wasn't dolled up or anything. I was like a mess. But Ethan complimented me the whole night, on my smile and continuously about my green eyes."

"He couldn't stop staring at me. I'd say, 'What are you looking at?' and he'd just sigh, 'You're so beautiful.'"

Saturday, December 20, 2003

Mary-Kate and Ashley Go to College

Dammit, if only I had waited a few years before going to NYU.

Friday, December 19, 2003

Fametracker :: Blue Moons :: Mullendash!

Go play Mullendash! , the game Glark, Wing Chun, Pamie and I created, and the entire staff of TWOP perfected during our recent Vegas conference-slash-excuse-to-get-together-and-drink-and-gamble-and-still-write-the-trip-off-as-a-business-expense.

The game is crazy fun. And it makes EW's Jim Mullen cry, at the same time. What could be better?

Thursday, December 18, 2003

The First Chapter of My Book

My super-agent Ted Gideonse of the Ann Rittenberg Literary Agency in New York has been working tirelessly to push my first novel, which is called IN LIGHT OF RECENT EVENTS. He is a fantastic human being and I am very lucky to have him on my side. (His attention is particularly mystifying since he's often so busy managing all of client Dennis Lahane's MYSTIC RIVER and SHUTTER ISLAND [much-deserved] glory.)

Anyway, if you're interested, you can now read the first chapter of IN LIGHT OF RECENT EVENTS on the agency's website.

I am tempted to talk about the book and to defend some of the criticism it's gotten from publishers who by and large seem to have liked it very much, but feel that using 9/11 as the backdrop for a comic novel is prohibitively insensitive. But I'll (mostly) refrain.

I do feel that they've missed the point and that indeed the main character is honestly struggling to make sense of his life in a changed world. It's just that the character is a bit of a dimwit, is self-obsessed, and happens to work in a very shallow profession: he is a sitcom actor. Clearly viewing the tragedy through his prism is wrong; I should have indeed chosen a ten year-old girl living in Queens who lost her secretary Mom in Tower One. My mistake.

Anyway, enjoy.

Monday, December 15, 2003

Melissa Gilbert's Resume

While waiting in a SONY screening room to see the wretchedly-trite and pedestrian Mona Lisa Smile this weekend, Pamie and I were bagging on Melissa Gilbert, the awful President of my awful union, SAG—in light of Pamie’s recent experience watching Melissa Gilbert do what it is very hard to do: totally ruin moderating a panel. (The only person I’ve ever seen do this is Harry Knowles, for point of reference.) We were trying to figure out why a person would want to be the President of SAG. It seems like an endless headache of negotiations and failed mergers and unhappy constituents, for not much pay or power.

I’m sure those who want the gig are probably partially motivated by a deep desire to improve the working conditions of actors. But if you look at the list of past Presidents (Patty Duke, Ed Asner, Richard Masur, Ronald Reagan, William Daniels [KITT!]), you get the feeling that perhaps there is a bit of upping-ones-visibility that goes into the decision to run for President—an assessment that seems to hold water in light of Pamie’s experience.

And while waiting to see the movie, a movie that I’m sure starred at least one future SAG Presidential hopeful (Julia Stiles, I’m looking at your affected-ass), we tried to recreate Melissa Gilbert’s resume of television movies:

I Eat Too Much (NBC)
I Invent Something (Lifetime)
I Beat City Hall (USA)
I Married Santa (ABC Family)
F For The Day! (Fox – Teacher held hostage by student)
Someone Stole My Kid! (CBS)
Soccer Mom Crackhead (Lifetime)
See Jane What? (Lifetime – Woman who can’t read)
My Father. Mein Furher. (CBS)
I Forget Me (ABC Family)
I Drink At Work (Fox)
PTA Meth Lab (FX)
Slice! (TNT – Mom who cuts herself)
See Jane Nur (USA – Dyslexic Mom)
I Just Remembered A Whole Bunch Of Stuff From My Childhood (Oxygen)
70 Cents To The Dollar (The History Channel)
My Mother The Quarterback (ESPN)
Victor’s Secret (FX – Crossdressing husband)
Space Shuttle Maid (ABC Family – Cape Canaveral Maid chooses the wrong moment to clean the space shuttle bathroom. Mistakenly sent to space. Saves mission.)
If This Uterus Could Talk (Showtime Family)
President Mom?! (Oxygen)
The Rosalyn Carter Story (ABC)
Vampire In The Basement (Sci-Fi)
The Bus Don’t Stop Here (UPN – White school bus driver teaches inner-city kids life lessons, stops the local crack dealer)
Suburban Jihad (CBS)
Freaky Thursday (ABC Family)
Woman Of Shame – The Mary Magdalene Story (CBS)
The New Little House on the Prairie (CBS)
I Lost My Baby In The Mall (Fox)
Dino-Babysitter (Sci-Fi)

Thursday, December 11, 2003

Spears, touring in Asia, denies any 'lesbian vibe' between her and Madonna

I agree.

Monday, December 01, 2003

Actress Joey Lauren Adams Arrested

Aw. My former neighbor , gets a DUI.

During my six years living directly across the street from her, I witnessed her having terrible parties, running around with first Kevin Smith, then Viince Vaughn. Getting limoed to and from award shows during the Chasing Amy year. And then hitting my car and getting away with it because of her surprising high-wattage movie star(-ish) smile.

We should have seen this coming.


Go see Timeline. One of the best comedies of the year.