never been a bitch so I don't act bitchy

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Film Pigs Movie Review Vlog #12

The Con-what? you say. Yes. The Condemned. It was out for about 12 minutes two weeks ago. And The Film Pigs travelled to the ends of the city to see it, because they're gluttons for punishment, and slaves to all things WWE. Not really, but they thought this rip-off of Battle Royale might be fun. They were wrong. Again. Fool me twelve times...

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Chuck E. Cheese Training Video

Long but awesome. And hypnotic. And after watching for long enough, very frightening.

"Jewel, your vest needs straightening."

"This Chuck E. is making things happen. And he knows when to stop."

"This party was so trusting of Chuck E., he could get away with almost anything."

"But you if you try to force things to happen, they can backfire on you. You have to know your limitations."

Sunday, May 20, 2007

New Film Pigs Alternate DVD Commentary -- Audition!

Holding a fake movie audition in order to find a new wife seems reasonable enough - I mean, how else are you supposed to meet women? MySpace? Unfortunately for the Film Pigs, our guy forgets the cardinal rule of dating: Never pick up the girl with fetishes for needles, piano wire, and keeping mutilated guys in a big sack. Happy endings: 0. Puke in dog dish: 1.

If you are in any way squeamish, under no circumstances should you watch this movie:

Also, it would be a good idea to steer clear if you have trouble with eye stabbings, amputation, regurgitated meals, blood, incest, acting auditions and their resultant callbacks. So call your agent and have him send your headshot and blood type over to Film Pigs dot com to download the latest commentary.

We can also be podcast from iTunes. Search under "Comedy" to subscribe.

Monday, May 14, 2007

When This Is Guiding You Home

Thursday, May 10, 2007


I don't know a whole lot about firefighting save what I've seen in Backdraft, but judging from what I saw last night driving up the 5 freeway at around this time, the horrifying sight of the entire hill on fire, those dudes (and ladies) did something incredible in bringing the fire to its knees in a matter of hours, and saving every major structure in the area, including the observatory, the zoo, the Greek theatre, and all the houses north of Los Feliz Blvd. I hope they have a shitload of time off, and lots of overtime, coming their way.