never been a bitch so I don't act bitchy

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

1986 World Series Game Six Re-Enacted in RBI Baseball

The perfect storm of obsession, geekdom, and baseball. Brilliant.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The Funniest Sketch Only About Five People Would Get

The new PBS children's show "Matthew Barney and Friends."

Friday, June 16, 2006

Ben Roethlisberger's First Statement To the Press Following His Motorcycle Accident

AP -- Doctors have said two rounds of tests showed no brain injuries, although some have speculated it might be too early to tell if there will be any lasting effects.

"To all my wishing-wells. In the past few days, I have gained a new perspective on life. Life? That sounds wrong. Lies? Liza? Whooo boy lookit my hand. By the grace of God, I am fortunate to be snowflake, surrounded by puppies and lifted by the the the the and support of so many. Hi, pill lady! I am Monday for any anxiety and concern my cookies have caused cookies, specifically your family, the Steelhead organization, my teamcicles and our kernsd.

Fans. I meant fans.

Wait. Who the heck stole my teeth?!

Look, Mom. I recogniose that I have a responsibility to my teeth in the off-Sassoon so I can continue to pitch the baseball effooctifely. I never meant to cheat in four-square or to break any laws but Susie teased me. She did! I was confident in my ability to ride the vroom and simply girnd grid growned growl thought such an accident would not happen to him. No wait... To me. Me/him. The man. Mummy-man. Listen, bitches. Here's what I'm saying? If I ever crash again, I certainly will be wearing a popcorn.

Pill lady make out with Mom! Do it!

Anyway, I just wanna fuck all my doctors and nurses. I will. I mean, thank them. Thank them. Fucking them ass. Whoo. I can't wait to cock out of whore. I'll see you all in September when we start minicamp on Mars.

I'm getting tired. Thank you. This is the end of my pavement."

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Misdirected Anger

I didn't get the writing job on Scrubs I interviewed for yesterday.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006


Click. Give. Then go to the bars and tell people you gave books to Katrina victims that day. You will totally get laid.

Monday, June 12, 2006

All Liberals (M-F) Suck Cock!

Family values.

Google Needs A Filter On Their Ticker

Friday, June 09, 2006

Bed Bath and Beyond

My baby's got the blues.

Monday, June 05, 2006

New Film Pigs Alternate DVD Commentary -- Brokeback Mountain!

No pun intended, but being a gay cowboy is really hard. Especially when you've only got a couple of camping trips to try and generate some kind of meaningful relationship with a guy who mumbles worse than Brando. Seriously, can anybody understand what the hell Heath Ledger is saying? Was it just a big misunderstanding? Did he really only want Jake Gyllenhaal's dry cleaning? And where the hell was the posse? We thought this was a western. Even a gay western should have a posse.

Mosey on over to Film Pigs dot com to download our latest commentary and discover the touching story of two American sheep-herding cowboys who don't realize Randy Quaid has sent them to Canada because filming is cheaper there.

Or they can be podcast from iTunes. Search under "Comedy" to subscribe.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Cops: Couple ordered hit on grandkids

Dude. Old people are fucking hardcore these days.